Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
