spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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