i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
