If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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