Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize