I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
