im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is Oprah even human
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
