Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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