I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize