If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
