She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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