I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
