So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
