everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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