listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
