Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
