I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
