Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
