How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
