Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
