we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
