my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
