I just gift wrapped bread.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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