North Korea, Best Korea!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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