I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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