I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
