Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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