He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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