I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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