first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
