Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
