I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
