Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
