So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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