i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
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As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
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Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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