In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
