Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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