Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
even my farts smell like vagina
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
