remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
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