3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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