i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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