i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
