If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
