pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
