just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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