I feel great
I just peed on a car
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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