I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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