Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
