no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
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There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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