he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
