Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
