Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
