Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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