So drunk, too bad you don't want this
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
