Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think I have vodka in my lungs
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
