Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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