Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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