i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
