So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
